Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Cluck, Cluck, Cluckin' to wipe out the human race...

OK faithful readers, you may remember my earlier post, "Chickens of the World Unite". The United Egg Producers (no, not chickens who've united to strike for better benefits... we're talking humans who produce eggs. Well, that sounds even stranger. I don't know too many humans who produce eggs. Hmmm, I don't know any who produce eggs. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone in the egg producing business aside from some individuals who raise chickens... yep, I've taken this one as far as I'm going to for the moment, time to get back on track ya think?)

The United Egg Producers are really going after those rotten people who "produce" free range chicken / hen eggs. They've added a new wrinkle this time, they're going after those pesky ORGANIC chicken / hen egg producers, too.

They're getting smarter and smarter in their campaign to erradicate free range and / or organic egg producers.

Who usually eats organic and free range eggs? I would imagine a lot of those healthy egg eating people recycle and drool when Al Gore starts talking about riding a bike to save the world from global warming. Oops, goofed. It is not "global warming" it is "Global Warming". You have to capitalize it to emphasize the IMPORTANCE. You'll know we're in crisis mode when it's no longer "Global Warming" but it's "GLOBAL WARMING".

If you eat free range and / or organic eggs, you're killing the planet. You're destroying the chances for your children to live and breath and enjoy cold weather.

Yep, according to the United Egg Producers, henceforth known as UEP, converting current egg producing from the in-the-cage-beakless-hormone stuffed-antibiotic loaded system to organic would increase the effects on GLOBAL WARMING by 40%. Switching to free range would increase it by a mere 10%. Stick with the status-quo stuck-in-a-cage-for-life system and an expert says it decreases the effect on GLOBAL WARMING by 10%.

So, eat cheaper eggs. Save the world! Stop the chickens from uniting or they'll want to stop taking drugs and hormones, they'll want to leave their cages and roam free... it's a chicken conspiracy. They're out to destroy the world. And here I thought all they wanted was a chance for unlimited worms or whatever it is they eat...

Has anyone done a study to see what the affects of Global Warming would be on chickens? We know that in a nuclear war roaches will survive. Are the chickens plotting to annihilate humans and thus rule the free-range world? I think we need to study this issue and study it quickly. I think I need to go scramble up a few organic eggs.

I only eat organic free range eggs. Guess I'm in cahoots with the chickens on this one. Maybe they'll let me live when they take over the world in 5 or 6 hundred years...

Here's the press release:

Traditional Eggs May Have Lower Impact on Global Warming
Egg Industry Proves to be Greener than other Livestock

ATLANTA, Jan. 2 /PRNewswire/ -- While some animal rights organizations have been campaigning to ban traditional cage eggs in the U.S., it turns out that these eggs may be best for the environment.

A study conducted by Adrian Williams, PhD., senior research fellow at Cranfield University in the United Kingdom, found that the traditional cage egg production currently used by most U.S. egg farmers decreases the industry's effects on global warming by 10 percent, while converting to all free-range egg production would increase the effects on global warming by 10 percent and converting to all organic egg production would increase the effects on global warming by 40 percent.

Free-range and organic egg farms are more environmentally intense because their need for more green space, food and energy.

The research examined the energy and food levels for farm production on 10 different agricultural and horticultural commodities such as potatoes, tomatoes, beef, milk, poultry, and eggs. In addition to the varying production findings, the study found that egg production as a whole is less harmful on the environment than other livestock. Egg production takes less global energy thus producing less greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. The study was funded by the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs in the U.K.

Grocery shoppers can find UEP Certified eggs by looking for the UEP Certified logo on cartons of most brands of eggs, since 95 percent of the eggs produced in the U.S. come from farmers who participate in the program. UEP developed the United Egg Producers Certified animal welfare program ( to assure consumers, retailers and foodservice professionals that egg cartons carrying the UEP Certified logo are from farmers who adhere to the highest scientific standards for egg production and undergo independent audits from the USDA and Validus to ensure 100 percent compliance.

UEP developed the UEP Certified program for modern egg production out of scientific guidelines established by an independent advisory committee of the top animal welfare scientific experts in the U.S. The USDA, the Food and Drug Administration and the Federal Trade Commission have approved the UEP Certified logo. The International Egg Commission has recognized the program as a model from which to create animal welfare programs in other member countries throughout the world. In addition, the Food Marketing Institute and the National Council of Chain Restaurants also endorse these guidelines. To view a complete copy of the UEP Certified Guidelines and to learn more about the program visit

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