Monday, June 25, 2012

Lines of Privacy in a Relationship

The relationship of a friend just ended because one of the duo was snooping into private documents. I don't know enough of the details to know whether it was curiosity, jealousy or just different lines of privacy that caused the guilty party to snoop.

What it did bring up for me was the ending of one of my relationships years back.

I caught my guy reading my diary / journal. It had been in a drawer, hidden, not a place where there was any excuse for him to look and possibly find it. He read enough to start asking questions about things in the journal. Nothing incriminating or bad about him. However, I used the journal to vent feelings on issues, worry out problems, or walk myself through choices.

It wasn't the kind of stuff that anyone would want to share with another, and while lining out choice or venting feelings even I understood they were fleeting and many times not even how I truly felt once I put them on paper. I always destroyed the journals after I filled them.

It destroyed our relationship as I didn't want anyone who'd snoop, violate my privacy, and then, to make it worse, start questioning me about things in the journal during our attempt to work it out. I truly felt violated.

Today I believe that there are lines in a relationship. There should be some privacy allowed for each party. I wouldn't pick up a piece of mail belonging to my significant other and open it, or read it without permission. I don't go through drawers or closets.

I was curious, what are your lines? I realized everyone's lines are different. My ex brother-in-law walked into my parents house the first time he met them, went straight to the fridge, opened it and took something out to drink. He didn't ask, didn't wait for them to ask. It was an assumption on his part that he was welcome to whatever was in the fridge. He also would open any closed doors and take a look if he walked by them... Those are two big no-nos in my book!

Would you log in and read your spouse or significant others' email? Open a piece of mail directed to them? Go through his or her closet? office desk? Is it a trust issue or just different lines of privacy? Do you feel like your significant other has the same lines as you?

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